I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
