9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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