Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
As shirtless as possible
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So vagazzling was a success
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
