why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize