you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
