Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
