dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
