do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
