I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
