the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
you never un-have a 4some
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
