I didn't shave. On purpose
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
