Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
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We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
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I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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