she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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