I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
