A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
