what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
