So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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