I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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