I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
