dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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