I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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