You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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