You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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