Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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