I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
