I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
only you would photoshop your dick
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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