Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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