She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
