We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
