Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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