Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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