a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
All the doctor said was why
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
