i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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