Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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