I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
