I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
