She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
