Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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