i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
