so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
