were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
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