ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
