She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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