Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
