Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
