So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
