I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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