so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
