We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
