hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
