I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
