if you like me you must not know who I am
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
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We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
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I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
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