I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize