Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
