I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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