you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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